The key things?
I have dealt with people who suffer depression I have, the ones that were "helped" by meds? Its true...the highs and lows were shaved. More neutral. While that's good for the low end. Something else happens with the highs. It prevents drive. Such as the desire to push, do more, like....getting up and getting ready and going out for a walk!
The other? "If I want to."
All be told...I simply don't! How much of that thought is driven by the self defeating depression? Who knows?
As evidence of my strange mindset? Throughout my entire life, there is something I could ***ALWAYS*** count on! No matter what else....my depression has *always* been something that was part of me! If.....I did find some pill and poof! It was gone? It would be like losing a lifetime "friend" I could always count on.
Pretty sick....huh.