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[Tom_Restorer]

A kid says to an other "We are are 5 siblings and every one has it´s own room!"
The other kid "That´s NOTHING! We are 5 siblings and every one has an other Dad!!"

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Friend to an other one "Hey, we got a now a scale in the bathroom so I can weigh how much I pp!"
The other one "logical! You weigh yourself before you go to toilette and than again when you are finish"
The first one "Awesome man! Doing it your way is much more easier!!!"

 

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[worldtalker]

He's soooo cute! I am glad Stretch and Beggar haven't run him off!

They try but he holds his ground.or I should say the branch they chase him to.

 

[Tom_Restorer]

A woman comes to a shopping mall and asking an employee "where can I find a Bikini that covers all my problem areas?"
The employee "Tents are on the 4th floor!"

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Two Chinese talking. The first one "I LOVE Ping Pong"
The second one "Hands off my sister or I kill you!!"

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Rabbit runs across a forest. Suddenly he stops in front of a huge pile of poop. He put his paw into it and holds it under his nose.
"Baaaaaaaaaaahhh dog poop!!!! Thanks god I not stepped into it!"

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Man comes to police station and tells the officer "My wife is missing"
Officer "How long do you miss her?"
Man "One month"
Officer "ONE MONTH and you didn´t came earlier??"
Man "sorry, I just realized it yet because I don´t have any clean clothes left to wear"

 

[Tom_Restorer]

A woman visit every day a Zoo and when she comes across the parrot cage, the parrot always say to her "DAMN, you are SO ugly"
One day the woman has enough of it and goes to the Zookeeper and tells the story and that she feels very offended.
The Zookeepers says to her that he will take care about it!
Next day the woman comes again, stops in front of the parrot and looking to him. Than the parrot says "OK, I was forbidden to say it...... but I KNOW IT AND YOU KNOW IT TOO !!!"

 

[Tom_Restorer]

should I stop or keep going ?

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Police officer to suspect "Whats your name?"
Suspect "Tschernovskjy-Schnirbowskji"
Officer "How to you write that??
Suspect "with a hyphen in the middle"

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Guys, just 524 posts left for GOLD!

I know many more jokes !!!

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Man walks with his dog and his wife in a forest. Suddenly he sees a trefoil with four leaves and he picks it up. PAFFFF... a fairy appears and tells the man you got a wish for free!
The man says "look at my dog, he got just one eye left, he walkes just with three legs, he´s missing an ear and he is very old and will not life for long"
The fairy "Sorry, but this is way to extreme to get it fixed"
Man says "OK, than make my ugly wife pretty" and he show his ugly wife to the fairy.
The fairy "OMG !!!"...... "Please would you show me the dog again?"

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Hubby comes back from work and shouting to his lazy wife "what did you cooked today?"
Wife "NOTHING"
Hubby "But that´s exact what we had yesterday"
Wife "Yeah, I´ve cooked for two days!"

 

[Tom_Restorer]

guy went in a store to buy new glasses. He sees one model that costs 5000$ and he asks the seller whats so special on it? The seller "you can see everyone nude with that glasses!"
The man tries it and the seller and everyone in the shop is nude! Ok he says "I buy it"
When he walks home with this glasses on, every one in the streets is nude and the man is VERY lucky about his buy.
Than he comes home and sees his wife and his best friend sitting nude on the sofa. He puts the glasses down, both a nude too. He puts glasses on - nude. Down - nude. Than he says "Damn, bought just 30 Minutes ago for such huge price and it is just broke...."

 

[RTR]

Experimenting with macro shooting.Looks the same to me ,how about you.

 

[Rookster]

Still My sweetheart. Her and my bride.

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Drill sergeant to a sniper candidate "I didn´t seen you today at the camouflage training"

Sniper candidate "Thank you SIR!"

 

[Rookster]

This guy tells jokes in sign language Tom.

 

[Rookster]

Shark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Boy comes home and says to his father "Dad, got my newest school certificate today! Only A´s"
The father "And I got today the paternity test, your father would be proud of you!"

 

[Tom_Restorer]

What are the last words of an electrician?

"WHAT kind of wire is THAT?"

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Dog jokes:

what name has a dog with only two legs?
WHO CARES! If you call him he will not come anyway!

What dog race has 4 legs and one arm?
A Pit bull on a childs playground.

 

[Tom_Restorer]

Police officer sits on the side of a street and is crying like hell. A Woman passes by and asking the officer whats happen. The officer answers my police dog has run away. The woman says, I am sure he will find the police station! And the cop answers: I know, but me not!

 

[Rookster]

me too.