O.K., I'M GONNA TRY TO GET THIS DONE BEFORE MY WIFE GETS BACK... SHE HATES IT WHEN I TELL THIS ONE... SHE HAS TWO GREAT FEARS. THE FIRST ONE IS HEIGHT. WE HAD JUST MOVED INTO A HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY, IT HAD A RANCH STYLE CEILING WITH A LOFT BEDROOM AT THE TOP OF A METAL SPIRAL STAIRCASE AND A METAL RAIL AT THE EDGE.
SHE WAS 7 MONTHS PREGNANT AT THE TIME. IT TOOK TWO DAYS TO GET HER TO TRY TO GET TO THE TOP OF THE STAIRS, AND SHE HAD MADE HER MIND UP THAT SHE COULD DO IT JUST TO SHUT ME UP. HALFWAY TO THE TOP SHE DECIDED TO CRAWL AND THE HIGHER SHE GOT THE CLOSER SHE HUGGED THE STEPS, UNTIL SHE REACHED THE TOP. SHE CURLED HER FINGER TIPS INTO THE CARPET WHEN SHE REACHED THE LOFT FLOOR AND PULLED HERSELF UNTIL SHE GOT HIGH CENTER ON THE TOP STEP. EVERY TIME I TRIED TO COME UP THE STAIRS TO HELP, SHE WOULD GO INTO A COMPLETE PANIC AND START SCREAMING AT ME TO GET OFF THE STAIRS BECAUSE SHE COULD FEAL MY FOOTSTEPS VIBRATE THRU THE METAL.
THIRTY MINUTES LATER SHE HAD CRAWLED TO THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND I COULD COME UP AS LONG AS I PROMMISED NOT TO STEP OFF OF THE STAIRS. I THOUGHT SHE WOULD EVENTUALLY HYPERVENTELATE AND PASS OUT AND I COULD CARRY HER DOWN BEFORE SHE WOKE UP, BUT NO SUCH LUCK. ANOTHER HALF HOUR PASSED BEFORE SHE COULD GET BACK TO THE EDGE AND COME BACK DOWN BY HOLDING TO THE CENTER RAIL AND LOWERING HER REAR ONE STEP AT A TIME. I WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD HAVE TO DELIVER THE BABY ON THE STAIRCASE, BUT AN HOUR AND A HALF PASSED AND SHE WAS BACK ON THE GROUND FLOOR. EVERY TIME I WOULD START TO TELL THE STORY TO ANY ONE THE HAIR ON MY NECK WOULD STAND UP AND I WOULD TURN ONLY TO FIND HER GLARING AT ME WITH A DEATH LOOK THAT FELT LIKE SHE HAD MY HEART IN HER HANDS. SO I WOULD DROP THE STORY IN MID WORD.....A MONTH OR SO LATER WE WERE SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM. SHE WAS SEATED NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS AND I WAS SEATED NEAR THE FRONT DOOR AND SHE LOOKED ACROSS MY LAP AND SAID "IS THAT A..?" I LOOKED WHERE HER EYES HAD BEEN FOCUSSED AND THERE WAS A 4 FOOT BLACKSNAKE COMING THRU THE DOOR. I LOOKED BACK TO HER TO HAVE HER GET A BROOM WHILE I KEPT MY EYE ON IT. I HEARD A NOISE ABOVE MY HEAD AND SHE WAS STANDING UPSTAIRS POINTING AT THE SNAKE AND SCREAMING "KILL IT, KILL IT,KILL IT." AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. I DID NOT SEE HER GO FOR THE STAIRS AND I STILL WONDER IF SHE USED THE STAIRS OR NOT. SHE WAS NOT COMING DOWN UNTILL I HAD DEALT WITH THE SNAKE AND I HAD NOTHING BUT A FLY SWATTER TO WORK WITH AND SHE WASN'T COMING DOWN TO GET ANYTHING TO WORK WITH . I GRABBED THE FLYSWATER AND STARTED FLIPPING FURNITURE OVER TO KEEP IT FROM GETTING INSIDE ANYTHING AND TRYING TO DRIVE IT OUT WITH THE SWATER WHICH WAS GETTING SHORTER WITH EACH STROKE. I FINNALY DROVE IT INTO THE BACK OF A LARGE SPEAKER BOX AND CARRIED IT OUTSIDE. WHEN I CAME BACK INSIDE SHE WAS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVINGROOM AND DID NOT REMEMBER GOING UPSTAIRS.. WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT AGAIN AND I GET THAT SAME FEALING ON MY NECK EVERY TIME I TELL ANYONE ELSE THE STORY.
IF SHE FINDS OUT THAT I POSTED THIS I WILL BE AS GOOD AS DEAD.
MIKEL. That made me laugh so much. So many good stories coming, now, do keep it up fellers, or should I say 'Guys' lol
'U'
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