comedy central

Smart A$$ Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."...

I know this alphabet well A for Arthritis, B for Bad Back, C is for Chest pains. Perhaps Cardiac? D is for Dental Decay and Decline, E is for Eyesight--can't read that top line. F is for Fissures and Fluid retention G is for Gas (which I'd rather not mention) H High blood pressure [I'd...

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How to Tell the S e x of a Fly A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked.! "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she...

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check...

> > Holiday Season Hangover Ratings > > One Star Hangover (*) > No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to > function relatively well. However, you are still > parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this > way. For some reason, you are craving a steak and > fries. > > Two Star...

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LOL have a good evening! Red

Happy sunday! Red

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: >>>>> 1) It is...

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about gambling, alcohol abuse, and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks...

Walmart called, your family Christmas photos are in, please, please come in to pick them up! Red

Medical Info Women Should Know Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women PREGNANCY Q & A & more! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable...

Check List Complete for Opening Day of Deer Season: I scouted the area all summer. I searched out the best location for my tree-stand. I set it all up a month ahead of time . . . I trailed the herd and I picked out a trophy buck. Two days before opening day I rechecked every aspect of...

Women & men in three photo's Women in three pictures....... Men in three pictures........ Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Red

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Chug and Red

The Tale of the Pregnant TurkeyOne year at Thanksgiving, my brothers and I were invited to my sister Jenny's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, we decided to play a practical joke. My two brothers lured Jenny outside to check out some trees at the bottom of...

Did You Know this about leather dresses? Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally? Ever wonder why???? It's because she smells like a NEW Truck!!! Red

Twenty Dollars On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. Her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for...

These are too good not to share! Happy thursday! Red

THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME. THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS, HOPING THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA. IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I...

Well worth watching! Red

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at he window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver sped up, but the...

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have...

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night............. Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe....as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car...

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need...

Watch out everyone, Halloween is right around the corner, if you see these.........RUN! AFTER you take a picture so we can all laugh! Enjoy, stay safe, and HH! Red Elvis is alive! uhhhhhh, yeah. Really???? You gotta be kidding me! Guess he is going to hang around for awhile! OMG...

Hi all, if anyone else has had the kind of day we have had, I sure hope I can make it a little better with a few laughs Take care, stay safe, and HH! Ok Stefan, lets see what you say about this one! :exclamation: Red

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FLU SEASON To avoid it... Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day. go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the...

Monday's funnies LOL Red

Happy halloween everyone! Red

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -the last one is great Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three...

Today's funny dogs. Red

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke? Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you...

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Dressage...

:laughing7::laughing7::laughing7: Red

Today's funnies, enjoy! Red

Dear GOD: From: THE DOG Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed? Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Dear God...