comedy central

Mule Trading Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said,"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." Curtis &...

WARM MILK In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then...

Today's funnies Hi everyone, Red here, I don't about you all, but after the past week, we could really use some laughs, and I bet you all need one too! so here goes. And this last one is for Chug! Red

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Attending a...

Sex After Surgery A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation. "You'll be fine," he said. She asked ... “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his...

Hi everyone, hope you all are having a good day, got this from a dear freind and just had to share, it's too good not to!

Gotta love this one....make you chuckle First Grade Drawing - PRICELESS! A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment. The teacher graded it and the child took it home.She returned to school note: Dear Ms. Davis, I want to be perfectly clear on my child's...

There were two nuns One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL ). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half...

actual] HEADLINES OF 2004: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I...

They were together in the House. Just the two of them. It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort...

COULDN' T HELP I T MA, T HA T FIRS T S T EP IS A KILLER.. NOW WHA T DO I DO??? I T 'S IN T HERE SOMEWHERE, I JUS T KNOW I T !! I REALLY NEED T O GE T GOING, BU T JUS T CAN' T SEEM T O GE T MO T IVA T ED............. MAN...I'M GE T T ING SO FA T I CAN HARDLY SCRA T CH MY OWN BU T T ...

Ever wonder what your pets are doing while you are at work? They will not buy me a toothbrush so I will use theirs. I will not stop until I win this game. Coolest place in the house. All the other beds are taken. Don't Ask. We are out of detergent. This is one way to make him...

PRICELESS GRANDPARENT STORIES 1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head...

Mom's annual physical After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Maxine, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She stepped out into the...

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his...

WORDS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY...

Who says police officers don't have a sense of humor? So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the Country: #14 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them...

>> Subject: POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM >> >> I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! >> I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, >> tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step >> into this room right hereee, strip...

Red

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy...

Friday's funnies Hi everyone, Red here, hope your all having a good day, here are some funnies for today, hope you enjoy them! and our favorite for today..... Red

These are amazing! He has not only made it look like the animal, but they look alive with motion. These items below were all fabricated from junked 1950 and 1960 automobile parts by a gentleman in Australia Check out all the...

This actually happened They dressed the truck up with the guy tied down on the roof. The driver and passengers put on Moose heads. Then they went down the toll road Interstate, causing 16 accidents. Yes; they went to jail... Yes; alcohol was involved This proves, again, that men cannot be...

I don't know about you all, but I will not test any of these, any takers? LOL Red

Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still." Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass...

Red

There was a bit of confusion at the Walmart store this morning. When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note so I could complain to our congressman about this running amok Homeland Security crap, I did just as he had...

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The...

Poor man's burglar deterent This is the poor man's Home Burgular Deterent. Wishing you all the best as we celebrate the birth of our lord.. HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 16 men's work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch along with...

Red

Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy Jones...

Red

Whew! we finally got our tree up! We just love the smell of pine! Merry Christmas everyone! Chug and Red

A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen, next door to the Ocean View restaurant, because they had only $6.00 among them and Brad Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street. 10 years later, the...

FRUIT CAKE RECIPE - Guaranteed to put you in the holiday spirit. You'll need the following: four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle or two of rum. Before you start, sample the rum to check...

A middle aged woman goes to see a plastic surgeon about a face lift. She says she's starting to get lines and wrinkles in her face and wants them gone. He examines her and says "There's a great new technique out that I would like to try on you. It's called The Knob. It's different from a regular...

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir...

Wild vehicles! Any one of these would be fun to drive around and look for new parks and such to hunt! Red

Handymen, need your bathroom repaired? Hope you can sit sidesaddle. Hang 'em high! They have an open door policy. Oops! The Cone Head. Your throne awaits! Peeping Tom! For the long arm of the stall! There, I fixed it. Make sure you put the seat down! Red

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