Old Time Sayings

you can get glad in the same pants you got mad in or if your gonna dish it out you better be able to take your scoops or if you dont go to school you better have a job no job no bed
 

My grandad used to say, "this country is going to hell in a handbasket".

"if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck".

"that ain't worth a plug nickle".
 

"Is the pope a catholic"

"Does a bear crap in the woods"

"If it aint broke don't fix it"

"Don't let the cat out of the bag"

"Loose lips sink ships"

"Better safe than sorry"

"Make like a tree and leave"

GG~
 

Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here...

Make like a hockey player and get the puck out of here...
 

Well, she might have looked finer than frog's hair to you because you were drunker than a hoot owl, (or hooter than a drunk owl) but to me she looked like she was rode hard and put up wet. In Oklahoma, it used to rain like a cow p*ssing on a flat rock, but up here it might snow *ss deep to a tall giraffe. Well, I gotta go see a man about a dog.
 

One that stuck in my mind from my grandfather was "You give a man a fish, he has 1 meal - You teach that man how to fish, then he'll never go hungry again".
I doubt if he invented it, haven't heard it anywhere else tho.
 

"You make about as much sense as a soup sandwich"

"That's more fouled up than Chineese music with a bagpipe background"
 

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for one day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll stay drunk all day in a boat out on the lake.
 

I'm so hungry my gutt thinks my throats been cut
 

Slicker than snot on a doorknob Scarcer than hens teeth
She's so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road Up the stream without an oar
He looks like he kissed a Mack Truck
She's hotter than hell on wheels
That's so sour it would make a pig squeal
I'd jump on that, like a hog on slop
A few bricks short of a load
Not the brightest crayon in the box
If brains were dynamite, he'd be dangerous
Dumber than a coal bucket
I wish you'd look at the dirt on the back of your neck
Quiet as a mouse
Strong as an ox
Fit as a fiddle
Colder than a well diggers butt
Three little words that will freeze your heart Cold Toilet Seat
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours
 

There are only 3 kinds of people in this world - Those who can count, and those who can't.
 

When we were younger they liked to put the boys in different parts of the field to work, cause they said 'one boy is a boy. Two boys are half a boy. And three boys is no boy at all.'
 

First time my dad heard me playing a stepnwolf album: "That crap sounds like a dying calf in a hail storm"!

Other things he said "colder than a witches tit in a brass bra" ll have to remember more now that this thread has me thinking of them lol.
 

Once worked with a guy who wanted to be called "Slick" ... could have been a stunt double for the wrestler Junk Yard Dog (and was about as crazy!).

You've probably heard the expression: "I'll dance at your wedding." Well, there is an equally old one you don't hear much but it was his favorite ... "I'll dance at your funeral!"
 

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