DizzyDigger
Gold Member
- Dec 9, 2012
- 6,356
- 12,889
- Detector(s) used
- Nokta FoRs Gold, a Gold Cube, 2 Keene Sluices and Lord only knows how many pans....not to mention a load of other gear my wife still doesn't know about!
- Primary Interest:
- Prospecting
Ahhhhhh...the wonders of marriage...
ACE - LISTEN UP!
I'm in my mid-50's now, and been happily married to my Queen for the past
11 years. BEFORE her, I was married three (3) other times...and every one
of those relationships started out wonderful, but ended in a complete
"Crash-n-Burn".
Why? Because they became just like your Mrs. is doing now. It was ALL
about them, and what they wanted in life, and in their minds it was MY job
to see that they got it.
When I read your post (from the 24th) I heard all the alarms going off
in my head, telling me (based on personal experience) that serious trouble
is looking ahead for your marriage UNLESS you head this stuff off now.
Marriage is a series of compromises Ace, and in order for a marriage to
be successful, the most important thing in HER life should be YOUR happiness,
and for you, her happiness should be on the top of your list.
This way, you are both looking out for each others interests and desires, and
harmony is the result.
What you are living in is not any type of harmony, rather it's a style
of narcissism that many women seem to be cursed with. They feel that you are
there to deliver her dreams on a silver platter, and anything you do that detracts
from what her dreams are becomes anathema (forbidden).
So, you sacrifice yourself and your desires (an honorable thing, indeed) but in
the end she gets what she desires (education, money, status..etc.) and she'll
completely forget the sacrifices you made to get her there.
I can tell you are young still, and you're doing your very best to accomplish all
these things that others say you should do....and in the process Ace gets left by
the wayside to sweep up the messes in order to make her look good.
LIFE is about LIVING, not meeting some financial status. Money is a great thing to
have, but at what cost?
MODERATION (as mentioned above) is the key. Give some of that housecleaning and
other work back to her, and tell her that if she wants a cleaner house, then she can
clean it to her satisfaction. She wants to study? OK, take the kids and go detecting
at a park somewhere, then pick up a pizza and ice cream on the way home for supper.
She can have her cake and eat it too, and so can you. It's all a matter of MUTUAL
respect. If she's holding your DNA Nuggets in her hand and demanding her way,
that is known as "emotional blackmail".
IF she ever says the words: "If you love me you'll do this for me", then in my experience
it's time to start packing and looking for a new place to live. Once that starts, it won't
stop unless (and until) you politely explain to her that you have the right to live your life
and enjoy your interests, and it's NOT UP TO HER to decide when and where you do so.
YOU have a right to live your life as you choose to, and she has the very same right.
Together, you have responsibilities for the children you've brought to the world,
but that does not ever mean that either of you gave up the right to not be emotionally
blackmailed or abused into forgetting your life and the things you enjoy.
If I were in your shoes (and have been) I would take a moment where you and she can
talk (calmly..arguing never helps anything) and you need to explain to her that you don't
like the changes you're being forced to go through as a result of her "planning". She
doesn't own you, and you don't own her, and the ONLY way a marriage can work is if
you have that mutual respect for each other.
Take a long, hard look at the path you are on....what situation will you be living in
5 years from now? Do you think she's suddenly going to stop planning your life for you,
or forcing you to do her will by making all of the things that are important to you seem small
compared to her needs?
Of course, none of us are actually there with you to see it all in person. Still, based on what
you've shared it sure seems obvious to a few that there's more than a metal detecting
trip at stake here, as she will continue to minimize your needs while expanding hers, and the
end results not going to be good.
I wish you well in your marriage, and hope it call all be corrected before disaster strikes
in a few years.
What's "disaster"? Disaster is when you've finally had enough of her crap that all you
want is out of the relationship, and then everyone pays the price.
I've been down the road you're on, more than once, and odds are high that you'll
find the same thing at the end of that road as I did. Fix the issue now before that
happens, and life will be much, much better for you, your kids and your wife too.
Mis Dos Centavos...
ACE - LISTEN UP!
I'm in my mid-50's now, and been happily married to my Queen for the past
11 years. BEFORE her, I was married three (3) other times...and every one
of those relationships started out wonderful, but ended in a complete
"Crash-n-Burn".
Why? Because they became just like your Mrs. is doing now. It was ALL
about them, and what they wanted in life, and in their minds it was MY job
to see that they got it.
When I read your post (from the 24th) I heard all the alarms going off
in my head, telling me (based on personal experience) that serious trouble
is looking ahead for your marriage UNLESS you head this stuff off now.
Marriage is a series of compromises Ace, and in order for a marriage to
be successful, the most important thing in HER life should be YOUR happiness,
and for you, her happiness should be on the top of your list.
This way, you are both looking out for each others interests and desires, and
harmony is the result.
What you are living in is not any type of harmony, rather it's a style
of narcissism that many women seem to be cursed with. They feel that you are
there to deliver her dreams on a silver platter, and anything you do that detracts
from what her dreams are becomes anathema (forbidden).
So, you sacrifice yourself and your desires (an honorable thing, indeed) but in
the end she gets what she desires (education, money, status..etc.) and she'll
completely forget the sacrifices you made to get her there.
I can tell you are young still, and you're doing your very best to accomplish all
these things that others say you should do....and in the process Ace gets left by
the wayside to sweep up the messes in order to make her look good.
LIFE is about LIVING, not meeting some financial status. Money is a great thing to
have, but at what cost?
MODERATION (as mentioned above) is the key. Give some of that housecleaning and
other work back to her, and tell her that if she wants a cleaner house, then she can
clean it to her satisfaction. She wants to study? OK, take the kids and go detecting
at a park somewhere, then pick up a pizza and ice cream on the way home for supper.
She can have her cake and eat it too, and so can you. It's all a matter of MUTUAL
respect. If she's holding your DNA Nuggets in her hand and demanding her way,
that is known as "emotional blackmail".
IF she ever says the words: "If you love me you'll do this for me", then in my experience
it's time to start packing and looking for a new place to live. Once that starts, it won't
stop unless (and until) you politely explain to her that you have the right to live your life
and enjoy your interests, and it's NOT UP TO HER to decide when and where you do so.
YOU have a right to live your life as you choose to, and she has the very same right.
Together, you have responsibilities for the children you've brought to the world,
but that does not ever mean that either of you gave up the right to not be emotionally
blackmailed or abused into forgetting your life and the things you enjoy.
If I were in your shoes (and have been) I would take a moment where you and she can
talk (calmly..arguing never helps anything) and you need to explain to her that you don't
like the changes you're being forced to go through as a result of her "planning". She
doesn't own you, and you don't own her, and the ONLY way a marriage can work is if
you have that mutual respect for each other.
Take a long, hard look at the path you are on....what situation will you be living in
5 years from now? Do you think she's suddenly going to stop planning your life for you,
or forcing you to do her will by making all of the things that are important to you seem small
compared to her needs?
Of course, none of us are actually there with you to see it all in person. Still, based on what
you've shared it sure seems obvious to a few that there's more than a metal detecting
trip at stake here, as she will continue to minimize your needs while expanding hers, and the
end results not going to be good.
I wish you well in your marriage, and hope it call all be corrected before disaster strikes
in a few years.
What's "disaster"? Disaster is when you've finally had enough of her crap that all you
want is out of the relationship, and then everyone pays the price.
I've been down the road you're on, more than once, and odds are high that you'll
find the same thing at the end of that road as I did. Fix the issue now before that
happens, and life will be much, much better for you, your kids and your wife too.
Mis Dos Centavos...
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