You Know Youre Getting Old When....

[packerbacker]

The last time you were layed was "to rest"

 

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[packerbacker]

The hair on your body has relocated to previously hairless areas

 

[packerbacker]

You're the only person at your class reunion

 

[packerbacker]

Your grandkids are on Medicare

 

[packerbacker]

You fantasize about the Queen of England

 

[packerbacker]

The Queen of England fantasizes about YOU.

 

[packerbacker]

You dream about chewing

 

[packerbacker]

The doctor only prescribes a week's worth of your medication at a time.

 

[packerbacker]

Your bladder partakes in your wet dreams

 

[packerbacker]

The neighborhood kids ask you if you ever killed any Indians

 

[packerbacker]

Indians ask you if you ever killed any Indians.

 

[packerbacker]

Cowboys ask you if you ever killed any Indians

 

[packerbacker]

The police ask you if you ever killed any Indians

 

[packerbacker]

You can't remember if you ever killed any Indians.

 

[austin]

OK, that is enough. You, especially packerbacker, are getting way too close to home here and I'm not quite 65 yet. I do not see the reason that you must make fun of us older citizens. I used to do that and now I ARE ONE. Someday you too shall reach this honored distinction. Having said this I now must go practice for the Christmas Festival here. I am the defending Hoveround 5 champion(used to be the 500, but our batteries went dead and Joey died of old age), the Metamucil chugging contest(my first year and the competition looks tough), the Viagra" God I Hope it Works Contest"(81 year old former beauty queen Dorkus Shultz is giving us a hand with this one) and finally the Outhouse Endurance Contest where you are given a laxative the day before and a Sears and Roebuck 1906 catalog the next day. First person to reach sporting goods wins. Now don't bother me again and show a little respect.

 

[AU24K]

When you can remember when there was no such thing as "clad" coinage.

If you can remember that wonderful new technology: 8-track tapes.

If you've ever used the words or terms "whippersnapper," "rapscallion," "spent a gay time...," "penny candy" or a "bucket of beer" without realizing that you've just outed your age.

When your high school reunion is cancelled because you'd be the only one there.

When toys that you played with as a kid are now bringing outrageous prices on ebay.

Best,
Scott

 

[AU24K]

Having to wait "4-6 weeks for delivery" for that special "mail in" prize after eating 3 boxes of godawful cereal.

Fighting with siblings for the prize in a cereal box (at the bottom), not because you wanted the prize but because you didn't want them to have it.
(Led to many incidents of cereal all over the kitchen floor and everybody gets a warmed backside....)

Paper routes. Folded, rubber banded and delivered on bicycle by a 10 year old kid. After school. Rain, snow, shine.
To save up for my first metal detector, a "Radio Shack" build it yourself kit.
Had to quickly learn about capacitors, resistors, how to read schematics, etc.
An example of an early "responsibility education." (I still get the next cereal box prize, ya hear me?)

Selling greeting cards or flower and vegetable seeds door to door to get, yes, that PRIZE!

Sending off for stuff on Bazooka Joe bubble gum comics like the "amazing X-ray glasses!" or
"Throw your voice! Be a ventriloquist!" (Rip-off! Mom tried to tell me....)
What? Sea Monkeys? NO! Really? Lemme see....

Playin' marbles with a bully taw.

Chasin' the ice wagon in the summer on it's delivery route and swiping pieces of ice.

A hand-written letter or card sent through the mail was the only means of textual communication.
And GREATLY cherished!
Including any of these stamps...
1954-1980 #1054-1059A Coils
(I have used these stamps and multiples of earier issues to meet the raises in postal hikes during my youth.)

Words like "billion" "trillion" and "zillion" were unknown. Except in science-fiction.

Always,
Scott

 

[AU24K]

When various retail establishments automatically give you a "Senior Citizen Discount" without even asking if you qualify.

When a "nap" is no longer punishment; it is a reward.

When you try to decide if you need to bother with buying a calendar for the next year.
(I won't buy a new one; I'll use an old one that I have that matches up with 2013. A calendar from 1946, 1957, 1963, 1974, 1985, 1991, or 2002 will match up exactly. Now, if I can just remember where the blazes they are....)

When you REALLY miss the Lawrence Welk Show.



Best,
Scott

 

[AU24K]

When you call grown men, "Son." (as in: "Son, if you want to live to be as old as me, you best not do that....")

(Sheesh....)

Best,
Scott

 

[AU24K]

When it's easier to fogive than hate.

My Best,
Scott