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WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
After I retired, my wife
insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately,
like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and
get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves
to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.
Dear Mrs.Smith,
Over the past
six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in
other pe ople's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the
alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up
to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave
her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time
and
costing t he company money..
5. August 4: Went
to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if
they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to
which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a
clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.
9. September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns
in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the
antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store
suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'
theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced
his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing
rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK
ME!'
14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not
least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed
out.
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
After I retired, my wife
insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately,
like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and
get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves
to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.
Dear Mrs.Smith,
Over the past
six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in
other pe ople's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the
alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up
to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave
her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time
and
costing t he company money..
5. August 4: Went
to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if
they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to
which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a
clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.
9. September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns
in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the
antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store
suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'
theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced
his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing
rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK
ME!'
14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not
least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed
out.
