WHAT IS A FART?

[poorhunter78]

Its bad when yer buddy pulls over and makes you ride in the back of the truck....

 

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[stefen]

We were in Fairbanks Alaska several years ago and as we left a restaurant, a team member cut the biggie...beleive it or not this ghost-like fart got into the car and sat between me and the passenger...

It took on a life of its own...

That extremely cold air does some wonderful things to gas bombs...

 

[poorhunter78]

You know when its bad? When you bust an air biscuit and the dog won't play with you.

 

[sniffer]

how about you bust one and the dogs leave the room. LOL

or rip one in a store and blame your wife when people look.

 

[LJHanley06]

Retired Military (USAF)...things WE learned about the Fart.

While deployed to Saudi Arabia during the Gulf War (90-91)...
WE learned that Farts could be "regulated" by eating the Meals Ready to Eat (MRE) cracker with either Cheese Spread or Peanut Butter. The Cheese Spread would tighten you up and the Peanut Butter would send you skipping off to the Latrine.

As a Flying Crew Chief (FCC)...
WE learned that you DO NOT consume carbonated beverages prior to flight. The result of which (if your plane can't maintain pressurization) is a SHART (you figure it out)...and Murphy's Law plays into this...that, if you desperately need to skin out of your Flightsuit to attend to your SHART...your zipper will fail at the exact same moment. You are then exiled to the rear of the cargo box until your flight has landed.

While being granted the privelage of occupying a seat on the Flightdeck (Graciously proffered by the Zipper Suited Sun Gods [ZSSG])...
WE learned to call out our HOWDY'S. This is a silent gesture offered in a plea for forgiveness. Usually occupying the Outboard Air Crew Member (OACM) seat...while seated; there is a Gasper Valve (a suped-up version of an Air Conditioning vent) placed strategically forward of your seated position. This vent can be opened and allows a great volume of air to caress your nethers and efficiently distribute any gasseous emissions present. When the Flight Engineer's awareness to your presence becomes accute (HE smells YOU), his left hand slowly reaches up to the AC Master Switch and places it to FULL. The result of which is to accelerate the distribution of your oderous gift, thereby causing an involuntary neck-turning twitch in the Co-Pilot. This results in an accusitory glare being levelled in your direction (over the Co-Pilots left shoulder) and a disappointed shake of his head. You proffer your acceptance of his accusitory glare by raising your right hand to your forehead in a "hang-loose braaaa" fassion with right thumb placed firmly between your eyes, thus completing the unspoken acknowledgment of your guilt. What makes this supplication all worth the effort is when you see the Pilot turn his head and look at the Co-Pilot and fix blame where there is none! Priceless, well almost...

 

[stefen]

how about you bust one and the dogs leave the room. LOL

or rip one in a store and blame your wife when people look.

A fart by definition, is nature's way of sharing your inner-self

 

[DigginThePast]

This thread stinks.

 

[Silver Searcher]

Were ever you may be let your wind roam free, Church or Chappel....let it rattle

SS

 

[GunFarce]

THE FREEDOM FARTERS ASSOCIATION WANTS TO ASK YOU:

ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOUR FARTS ARE ENDANGERED,
AND, ARE BEING BLATANTLY DISCRIMINATED AGAINST?

NO MORE, Should farts be "eased" out in public places, for fear of being noticed.
NO MORE, Should farts be buried in the dense foam of friends and neighbours furniture.
NO MORE, should farts be retained until you leave the elevator.
NO MORE, Should farts be hidden under the odour of burning matches.
NO MORE, Should farts be left to linger in the aisle of supermarkets while you scurry off.
NO MORE, Should farts be only be released in the candle section of the craft store.
NO MORE, Should human farts be blamed on the dog. And, why the hell don't cats fart?
NO MORE, Should dog farts be blamed on the human. Or, the cat.
NO MORE, Should the SBD (silent but deadly) be clandestinely slipped into public
gatherings, but should be whooomed, so that all may know the origin, and congratulate the
emitter accordingly. But, if left as a SBD, the watering of all eyes in the gathering should be
taken as the ultimate compliment .
NO MORE, Should the words ""Pull My Finger"" be treated as a joke. But revered as the
'trigger' it was meant to be.
NO MORE, Should Great, Loud, Reverberating Farts be disdained, but treated as the endless
source of amusement most men believe them to be..

I'm Sure, I Have YOU ALL Standing behind me in this endeavour ...

 

[steve from ohio]

A fart it is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song....

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while.......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget....
Sweet old farts like you!

My four year old niece says a fart is just unused poop power.

 

[poorhunter78]

A fart "I guess theres more than one way to leave skidmarks"

 

[stefen]

Like the story scratched on the toilet enclosure door:

Here I sat broken hearted
Paid a nickel and only farted

 

[gord]

Like the story scratched on the toilet enclosure door:

Here I sat broken hearted
Paid a nickel and only farted

They forgot the next part?

"Last time I took a chance;
saved a dime and **** my pants"

 

[stefen]

 

[poorhunter78]

"Man Oh Man" I must be rubbing off on my 10yr old. last night me the wife and son are sittin watchin a movie havin some family time we're all sittin very into this movie " BBRRRRPPP" my lil guy racks one off. Then immediately says "DADDY DID IT".. And he was on his mommy's lap

 

[GunFarce]

What's a FART? It's simply a Acronym for Folk Art

 

[stefen]

What's a FART? It's simply a Acronym for Folk Art

Man. I dropped some folk art that would win a blue ribbon at the county fair