Practical jokes you have my permission to use

[spartacus53]

My next few posts on practical jokes were inspired by 2 gentlemen here that will go unnamed.

Might AP GopherDAGold

I guess perhaps I am one warped person, but hey, that's what makes the world go round. Actually today, you would not be able to do 1/2 the things I did and not lose your job.

My first venture in practical joke was back in about 1974, where I worked in the documentation Department of now defunct U.S. Lines. Back in that time U.S. lines was probably one the the largest steamship companies around and we were located at 1 Broadway, NY, NY. There was no better location to work as we had Battery Park right across the street.

Ah, working at my first real job in the 70's a time when you had to go to work with a suit and tie. The only employees that didn't have to wear that was the mail room employees, but they still had to wear what I would describe as a smock.

I had worked in the export department and throughout the company our department was known as "The Zoo". I guess it was because most of the guys working there were really a bunch of animals and were always looking for a laugh, so practical jokes were an everyday hazard. It was allowed by management to a certain degree because we were one of the most pressured departments as far as getting heavy volumes of work done on a much needed timely basis.

Well one beautiful summer day I was relaxing in the park sitting on a bench watching the pigeons chase crumbs and ladies walking by. Then I had an epiphany.

I took off my jacket and threw it over an unsuspecting pigeon, bundled him up and returned to the office. I looked around to see who was still out to lunch and then picked my target, an empty desk.
All I had to do was to open the draw and stuff the poor bird into it. Well my mark upon returning was working, but apparently heard some sort of commotion in his desk. Upon opening the draw, the bird flew out, he jumped back and nearly had a heart attack I think. Nah. he was just startled as all hell. Anyway, the bird was flying all over the office so we had to open the windows to which he finally made his exit.

A bit evil? Yes. But funny, hell yea

All in a day at the office as far as I was concerned.

 

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[Mighty AP]

Wow! Thats a real good one, when I have time I'll post one that me & my foreman pulled on my girlfriend bout 5 years ago. I like the way you think Spartacus, I believe you & me are gonna get along fine!!!

 

[Mighty AP]

Now, I dont want to trample your thread, but I got one. When I 1st came to Idaho I was workin for a valve shop out of L.A. & was sent here to repair some 24" 900# ball valves. I was putting one back together, beating on 2 3/8" knocker wrench with a short handle 8lb sledge. I was swinging hard, the hammer knicked a piece of pipe on the actuator & I hit my left thumb directly. It was real bad, blood everywhere, multiple bone breaks. I called my girl in L.A. & told her, wrapped it up & went back to work with one hand. My supervisor (who is a genious) showed up at noon & after seeing my injury insisted that I go to emergency. After I signed in we stepped out fer a smoke, I needed to call my girl & let her know what was goin on. I got an idea........"wanna play a trick on my girlfriend Russ? Can you play a doctor?" He was game so I dialed the number & handed him the phone, he was AMAZING!!! "Mrs. Rejlek? This is Doctor Lattimer. You were listed as Darrens emergency contact. Now, let me tell you that I had him in surgery for over 3 hours, the arterial viens in his wrist & lower arm were very much damaged & I tried my best to..........well let me just say it. We had to amputate his arm just below the shoulder." I was standing 10 feet away laughing my ass off & I could hear her screaming over the phone!!! That was 5 years ago & my girl still gives Russ the dirtiest looks!

 

[spartacus53]

That is not a joke, that is just sick, but I love it

 

[Mighty AP]

The Director of Research (Eric) at my company ordered about $1000 worth of pyrex glassware for his lab & drove me crazy asking "wheres my glassware? You be sure to let me know when it shows up", etc, etc. He asked 3-4 times a day for a week & I was damned tired of it. I was complaining to Russ about it & he had a stroke of genious! I took a large box & filled it with beer bottles, large pieces of broken plate glass, pieces of stainless pipe, anything I could find that would make a lot of noise. I taped it all up & made it look like a delived box, even put fake labels on the box. Russ walked into his office & announced "Your glassware is here!", I walked in with the box as Eric spun around in his chair & jumped up, very excited. I took 3 or 4 steps & "tripped" over my foot going down face first, slamming the box hard on the ground under my chest. The noise was unbelievable, sounds of glass breaking! I got up & apologized to Eric, in disbelief that I did such a stupid thing, had to back out of the office to keep from laughing. Eric was blown away, said maybe something survived & pulled out his knife to open the box. We were all peeking around the door, laughing & high fiving. I'll never forget the look on his face as he pulled broken bottles & pieces of pipe out of the box, "what the hell did those idiots ship me" It wasnt until he heard us laughing that he realized that he had been punk'd. Sad part is it was Russ's idea but Eric blames me, I will pay the price soon. I may tell you all about his revenge.........depending on how embarassing it is to me!

 

[Mighty AP]

About 6 years ago I was in So.Cal working in a large valve repair shop. There was 3 guys who were hydro testing a very large pressure seal valve, they were pumping it up to around 5000lbs of pressure which takes a little time, & most everyone in the area was a little nervous. One bad weld.......BOOM. They had it up to around 4500lbs when I told a co-worker "my god I wish I had a firecracker right now!". Well he had family in Tiajuana Mex. & went there almost every weekend & said he happened to have a couple m80's in his car! I knew when he said it that this was so very wrong but eagerly told him to go get one. I lit that baby & tossed it on the floor, when it went off I jumped 6 feet in the air, it was so much louder than I could have imagined. Scared the hell out of everyone in the shop especialy the 3 doin the test. One of them never spoke to me again! The owner came out into the shop & I had to admit that I had done it, came so close to getting fired. Was it a stupid thing to do? yes. Would I do it again? Most definetly!

 

[Mighty AP]

When I worked in the tank shop many years ago, there was 5 or 6 of us that pranked each other constantly. Sometimes we teamed up, sometimes double crossed each other but we were constantly trying to improve, up the ante. Our jokes got bigger & more complicated. One of the gang was going on vacation to Denver for 2 weeks so we were eagerly waiting for him to leave & he knew we were gonna pull something. We would come in early & stay late to pull this one off. His locker was right in the middle of the shop standing in front of a large I beam that went 50 feet up to the ceiling. After work I stood on a pallet & was raised about 25 feet up on a forklift, I welded a piece of plate to the beam right above his locker for a 5 gal bucket to sit on. We cut the hasp off his locker door to get in, welded a hook to the inside of the door, connected some twine that ran throught a hole in the back. This was connected to a pin that went thru a large coupling that was connected by twine to the bucket of water 25 feet above. When the door opened it pulled the pin letting the coupling drop about a foot which then flipped the bucket, We had the bucket tied off so it didnt fall. We tried it a dozen times, adjusted it so the bulk of the 5 gallons of water would hit the perfect spot. All this was done undercover without supervisors knowing, we even painted the bucket so it wasnt so noticeable. We tacked the hasp with his lock back on. Got everything done with a few days to spare & hoped he would come back before anybody saw the bucket up there. He came back on a Monday & we were all there early, standing by the gas heater with nice little smiles. He knew something was up & walked around his locker a few times looking for evidence, we thought he'd never go for it. He finaly pulled out his keys & slowly unlocked the lock, hesitated, took the lock off, hesitated, opened the door just a little, hesitated, then opened the door. Our contraption worked perfectly & 5 gallons of water hit him directly on the top of his head! It was kinda sad realy, it was January & about 10 degrees in that shop & he was completely soaked! He stood next to the heater shivering & cussing. He did get me back, got me real good. 8)

 

[Mighty AP]

The guy we dumped water on was Jeff, & he was very capable, very crafty & devious. There was a small group of us that were working a couple hours OT everyday & it was Friday. I couldnt wait to get the hell out of there, we set the alarm system, locked up & headed to the parking lot. Everybody was kinda hangin out but I was in a hurry, jumped in my car, started it up, threw it into reverse and.........nothing. It was real weird, I thought my driveline broke, my clutch went out I tried reverse, 1st gear, 2nd gear, NOTHING! Everybody laughed at me & went home, I was pissed! I finaly climbed under my car & Jeff had brought the forklift around, lifted my rear end & blocked my axel so my tires were barely off the ground. Took me 30 mins to jack it up & pull the blocks out so I could go home. I had it comin & he got me good!

 

[ivan salis]

as a merchant seaman --I pulled 2 great ones and saw another one (the boots)-- the eggs and "jack's rock"
the boots was--a set of rubber water proof boots wore by guys on the dredge I was working on -- they were kept in the hallway so as to not track up your room --- so one guy filled another boots half full of shaving cream -- he returned the favor by putting a live crab in the other guys boots

--the eggs --we had a non stop whiner , everything he whined about ,esp the food nothing was ever right for him esp the eggs at breakfast -- he finally quit and was leaving --so as a going away prize * --someone opened up his zipper side bag and packed a dozen raw eggs in with his clothes-- inside by the soft outer wall --- for a wonderful trip on the plane home. -- I know he did not like those eggs .


"jacks rock" --we had a fellow named "jack" he had been there forever ---so long in fact that he thought everything there was "his" --jacks this , jacks that -- he even had his own labaled (but still company property ) tool box (jacks toolbox)-- fitting since jack was a bit of a "tool" -- so one day the ship dredges up this huge rock --and one of the guys say quick dump it over before jack "claims" it too -- then a evil plan was born * --the monster rock was hidden and painted .-- then one day the capt called "jack" to the bridge off the deck --we are going to be headed thru a tight passage and I feel better if a "skilled quarter master" --was on the wheel -- jack puffed up with pride * while he was on the bridge we slipped the rock into the house down the hallway and put it in his bunk and pulled the covers over it --and turned out the lights --- when he went into his room we heard --who the hell are you and what are ye down in me bed? --a short pause the cussing galore --the words "jack's rock" were painted on it . -- the capt when shown , said he could not figger out who did it and got several "vollenteers" to remove it --(all folks in on the gag.)

 

[Mighty AP]

Those are great Ivan!!!

 

[vayank54]

Man no wonder I like the people on here. You all are as warped as me. ha ha

 

[truckinbutch]

We caged(rode an enclosed elevator) 600 feet from the surface to the coal seam we were working . At
the bottom of the shaft was an airlocked room mebbie 12 feet wide and 40 feet long with low benches
along each wall for crews waiting on the cage to sit on . The opposite end from the cage was sealed with a 4 section revolving door .
We had this big ole boy(6'4"/300+lbs)that had a switch in his back pocket that put him immediately to sleep when his butt hit that bench in the morning when we got to the bottom and were waiting to 'cage up' to the surface . Problem was that when that happened that 'liverlipped'son of a gun snored so loudly that no one else could carry on a normal conversation .
I determined to cure that one morning .
After he got to snoring good I stood in front of him ,with 50 guys watching and encouraging me, with
a bananna in my hand and unzipped my jeans . Then I stuck the nanner in his mouth , pulled it out and pitched it to a buddy .
When his eyes opened ; there I stood , with a satisfied smile on my, face zipping my jeans,
and 50 other miners laughing .....................................

 

[truckinbutch]

Now , I don't know where 'Ole Wade' had that knife he pulled from his coveralls that looked like it was 3 feet long and I didn't ask ! I just took off running for the revolving doors with him in pursuit .
The other guys swore that I spun those doors so fast that the main fan stalled and their ears popped .
It took about 5 laps before Wade ran out of wind and collapsed and I escaped to some old workings and hid for 2 hours until the mine superintendant found me and told me it was safe for me to leave .

 

[Mighty AP]

You are twisted indeed Butch!
I was working daily maintenace at the Exxon/Mobil refinery in Torrance Cal back in the late 80's, we were working in the sulfur unit. We all had to wear these tags, round white pieces of paper like material with a pin to attach to your jacket that changed color when exposed to H2s (hydrogen sulfide), very deadly stuff. So a kid named Jim worked on our crew & he was a party animal, went bar hopping every night & came to work on 2 hours sleep everyday. He could curl up & sleep anywhere. We were in a secluded area & it was getting close to quitting time so we were goofing off & of course Jim was laying on some insulated steam pipes sound asleep. It was cold, he had a thick jacket on so I krept up & using a felt marker, colored his tag as black as night. We were all laughing, it was funny stuff but he didnt wake up so we all kinda hid & started throwing little rocks at him to wake his butt up. He finally opened his eyes & layed there for a few secs, then sat up & looked around. Then he remembered his tag, looked down.........OMG!!! He jumped 3 feet in the air, I'll never forget the look in his eyes, big as dinner plates! Poor Jim, we punk'd him often & he was always a good sport about it.

 

[truckinbutch]

In a mine environment you experience absolute darkness . The only light source away from a working
section is that which you have mounted on your hat and gives you a very limited area of illumination .
I took advantage of this fact , coupled with a very frightful rubber gorilla mask , to terrorize isolated co-workers on occasion . Nearly got killed a couple of times by the reaction . Thought , once , that I had killed a buddy when my surprise caused him to pass out in a dead faint ........
That was the end of the growling gorilla monster coming out of the dark into a light beam .....

 

[Produce Guy]

Back in the '70s when I was still in highschool,my friends would TP classmates houses right before the game.Well one night I left my bedroom window open and around 3am I herd a truck coming down the road and some kids talking,I looked out my window and saw my friends getting out of a brandnew pickup truck with several rolls of TP and streamers in their hands.Not to be out done ,I got dressed when out the back door,jumped over my fence and walked over to the brandnew pickup,1979 ford F-150 with all the bells and whistles you could get,I looked over at my front yard and saw them starting to throw the TP over the trees,then I got in the truck,peeled-out in the street tring to make a couple of donuts,honking the horn,and cranking up the stereo as loud as it could go,they stopped what they were doing and came running towards the truck as I peeled away,driving down the street I was hitting trashcans and bicycles all the way down the street.I took the new truck over to my friends house and parked it right next to the front door(they had t o go around the backdoor,to shut it off).I put it in park,turned on the radio as loud as it would go and took off back home.The next day at school I pretended like nothing had happend.

 

[truckinbutch]

Back in the '70s when I was still in highschool,my friends would TP classmates houses right before the game.Well one night I left my bedroom window open and around 3am I herd a truck coming down the road and some kids talking,I looked out my window and saw my friends getting out of a brandnew pickup truck with several rolls of TP and streamers in their hands.Not to be out done ,I got dressed when out the back door,jumped over my fence and walked over to the brandnew pickup,1979 ford F-150 with all the bells and whistles you could get,I looked over at my front yard and saw them starting to throw the TP over the trees,then I got in the truck,peeled-out in the street tring to make a couple of donuts,honking the horn,and cranking up the stereo as loud as it could go,they stopped what they were doing and came running towards the truck as I peeled away,driving down the street I was hitting trashcans and bicycles all the way down the street.I took the new truck over to my friends house and parked it right next to the front door(they had t o go around the backdoor,to shut it off).I put it in park,turned on the radio as loud as it would go and took off back home.The next day at school I pretended like nothing had happend.

That's class , I don't care who you are

 

[WindHarvester]

Back in the '70s when I was still in highschool,my friends would TP classmates houses right before the game.Well one night I left my bedroom window open and around 3am I herd a truck coming down the road and some kids talking,I looked out my window and saw my friends getting out of a brandnew pickup truck with several rolls of TP and streamers in their hands.Not to be out done ,I got dressed when out the back door,jumped over my fence and walked over to the brandnew pickup,1979 ford F-150 with all the bells and whistles you could get,I looked over at my front yard and saw them starting to throw the TP over the trees,then I got in the truck,peeled-out in the street tring to make a couple of donuts,honking the horn,and cranking up the stereo as loud as it could go,they stopped what they were doing and came running towards the truck as I peeled away,driving down the street I was hitting trashcans and bicycles all the way down the street.I took the new truck over to my friends house and parked it right next to the front door(they had t o go around the backdoor,to shut it off).I put it in park,turned on the radio as loud as it would go and took off back home.The next day at school I pretended like nothing had happend.

That is good!

 

[Mighty AP]

In a mine environment you experience absolute darkness . The only light source away from a working
section is that which you have mounted on your hat and gives you a very limited area of illumination .
I took advantage of this fact , coupled with a very frightful rubber gorilla mask , to terrorize isolated co-workers on occasion . Nearly got killed a couple of times by the reaction . Thought , once , that I had killed a buddy when my surprise caused him to pass out in a dead faint ........
That was the end of the growling gorilla monster coming out of the dark into a light beam .....

Wow, that sounds like it was a helluva lot of fun Butch!!!
Seeing a growling gorilla come towards me out of the darkness would be enough to put the fear of God into me! Might even soil meself!

 

[Mighty AP]

When I worked at the tank shop we got real crazy with the practical jokes, didnt think too much bout safety. I took a zip lock sandwich bag & zipped almost all the way closed, took an oxy-accetelene torch & put the tip in the bag, gave it a nice shot of accetelene then filled the bag with oxygen & zipped er closed. A co-worker was cutting on a large piece of half inch plate on a small torch table & he made the mistake of taking a bathroom break. I put the baggie under his table where a spark from his torch would burn through & ignite it, then we waited. Waited for what seemed forever, I was about to go get the baggie & tell him what I tried to do to him when it went off. The plate he was cutting on weighed at least 200 lbs & that thing jumped 3 inches off the table! Scared the hell out of him, me & everybody in the area, could have killed the poor guy! For safety's sake, that was the end of the "accetelene bomb" jokes.