CRISPINS CRITTERS

[Togreenfeet]

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."

 

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[Togreenfeet]

Went to the Doggie Vet today. My baby Dachshund is going to have 2 puppies!!!!!! Of course my phone died before I saw her X-ray!!!!!!

 

[Togreenfeet]

A husband takes his wife dancing. They notice a guy on the dance floor living large, break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

 

[Togreenfeet]

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

 

[Togreenfeet]

It’s been a rough day today. My baby Doxie delivered her 2 puppies. The first a beautiful Black and Tan we named Maisy was still born. My wife and I tried CPR and I would try to rescue breathe for her........ didn’t make it. Second a beautiful Black and Tan male.......so far so good. The mother is crazy protecting him.......a special thank you shout out.....

 

[releventchair]

It’s been a rough day today. My baby Doxie delivered her 2 puppies. The first a beautiful Black and Tan we named Maisy was still born. My wife and I tried CPR and I would try to rescue breathe for her........ didn’t make it. Second a beautiful Black and Tan male.......so far so good. The mother is crazy protecting him.......a special thank you shout out.....

Our *****es got cooked rice with boiled (and drained) ground beef and after mixing a portion (I kept the rice and ground separate in the fridge after cooking and cooling) of the rice and beef about half and half , a dollop (tablespoon maybe for your sized dog) of cottage cheese was mixed in.

You can reheat/nuke the rice and beef if momma prefers warm food.
Water can be added to it too. Important when nursing to keep her hydrated.

Watch her discharge to to be sure she's recovering well.

Too late now , but we let a whelping ***** eat a placenta or two. Sounds gross , but is important in nature as it affects hormones and production of milk onset.

Bummer about your lost pup. It can (obviously) happen.
Better early , that a drawn out struggle when/if something is amiss...

Woman usually agree , I'm not crazy about it but the old saying is , "there's nothing like puppy breath".

I'll warn you (like all new parents) about little critters. Don't step on it... You'll lose all kinds of hero-ship points.

 

[Togreenfeet]

Thank you friend

 

[Togreenfeet]

I called a suicide prevention line. It connected me to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I felt suicidal and they asked if I could drive a truck.

 

[Togreenfeet]

"I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the vicar replied. "It’s not a reflection on you, Father" insisted the church goer. "Carl has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."

 

[Togreenfeet]

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with

 

[Togreenfeet]

This is a frightening statistic: 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That is scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

 

[dieselram94]

This is a frightening statistic: 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That is scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

Explains hillary!

 

[AU24K]

Back in the day, when I was a kid, my Mom would send me to the grocery store with a dollar.

I could get 2 loaves of bread, a pound of hamburger, a bag of rice, a frozen chicken and 5 pounds of potatoes.

Then they installed security cameras....

Best,

Scott

 

[Togreenfeet]

 

[Togreenfeet]

"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.
"What's the bad news?"
The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."
"Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?"
"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."

 

[Togreenfeet]

 

[Tom_Restorer]

 

[Tom_Restorer]

 

[Tom_Restorer]

 

[Tom_Restorer]