Secretly Blond

USTiger

Hero Member
Apr 30, 2006
745
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Vancouver - WA
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Ace 150
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.
She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her
ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no," she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said, "Your finger is broken."
 

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the
sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and
shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up," said
the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're
going at night!"
 

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
 

During a recent password audit, we found that a blonde was
using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento

When asked why such a long password, the blonde said,
" HELLLOOOOOOO, I was told that the password had to be at
least eight characters and include at least one capital."
 

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...
 

Cough Syrup

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy
leaning heavily against a wall. He asks the blonde
clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The blonde clerk responds, "Well, he came in
here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the
cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells, "You idiot! You can't
treat a cough with a laxative!"

The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him,
he's afraid to cough."
 

THIS ONE NOT FOR KIDS


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A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get

a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands .
Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered ..
"Well .... go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, then...tentatively said .....
"Hello. Mom, can you hear me?"
 

A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.

"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."

"What about the other one?"

"They called back."
 

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino.

She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mammy needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'


MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men...are men.
 

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