I tried to post this at the TBar

[truckinbutch]

with no success . I need nutritional advice .......... My MIL is living with us for a time due to some health issues she has .
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I need suggestions on the proper combination of foods to make my flatulence so voluble and obnoxious that she will get the hell out of my small living room in the evenings so I can have some space . Collateral damage is not a concern . Room is unfinished and my dog loves me ; no matter what .............
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Bud Light and pickled eggs are already on my menu .
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Inviting Poorhunter over is not an option . The dog and I want to be able to stay in the room .
Yes , Red : I'm bein bad .

 

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[generic username]

I had cheeseburger hamburger helper lastnight, but substituted chicken instead of beef & had a few pieces of bacon on the side... today i didnt even wanna be in the car with myself, ripped in the livingroom too and accidentally chased my mom out of the room.

Store bought deviled eggs & potato salad chased off my coworkers on the midnight shift after lunch.

couple of my coworkers had our money together and fed another coworker on a dare prune juice and fiber one bars then ended up with customer complaints about "stinky employees" the same night.

raw broccoli & cooked sauerkraut is another good one too.

 

[releventchair]

Mixed tuna with mac and cheese once,don,t know why but whewwww . Sorry bout your company . Good luck.

 

[Rebel - KGC]

LOL! Why do ya think Prez Bush, the Elder said.... "Read my lips... NO MORE BROCCOLI!"

 

[stefen]

Years ago, my daughter was on some weird diet that consisted of cabbage soup three times weekly...the whole house smelled like the Mother-Of-All-Farts...

Everybody in the family lost weight...one smell and you lost your appetite...

Man. I have dropped some Blue Ribbon winners that couldn't match the cabbage soup stink...

Combine that with some hardboiled eggs and a cold brewski and WOW...

 

[mazzy74]

Over the course of an hour and a half, eat tums with calcium. About a half bottle or more. Your stomache will hurt a little bit but I cleared out a gym

 

[spartacus53]

Over the course of an hour and a half, eat tums with calcium. About a half bottle or more. Your stomache will hurt a little bit but I cleared out a gym

He's trying to rid rid of another person, not himself

There were some good suggestions above, but the all time winner has and will always be baked beans

Again, beans are so popular they even have their own poem

Beans, beans, the magical fruit.. you know the rest

Case closed, time to move on

 

[stefen]

Sprat...

Put a cork in it...

 

[austin]

The poor dear woman is ill and you want to drive her out into the snow. How cruel. Well, that being said, head down to a chemical or science supply house and buy a small bottle of Butyric Acid. A couple of drops on a kleenex, throw it in her room's wastebasket, sit back and be sure to say bye bye when she leaves. It smells like rancid overbearing vomit, but be careful not to get it on any wood surfaces or store it. The fumes permeate the wood and never go away. And don't get it on your hands or skin. It will stink for several days and not even your dog will sit or sleep with you.

 

[Rebel - KGC]

The poor dear woman is ill and you want to drive her out into the snow. How cruel. Well, that being said, head down to a chemical or science supply house and buy a small bottle of Butyric Acid. A couple of drops on a kleenex, throw it in her room's wastebasket, sit back and be sure to say bye bye when she leaves. It smells like rancid overbearing vomit, but be careful not to get it on any wood surfaces or store it. The fumes permeate the wood and never go away. And don't get it on your hands or skin. It will stink for several days and not even your dog will sit or sleep with you.

VERY true; when I was a Freshman in high school, a Senior did that in a crowded hallway after lunch. The "BA" cleared the hall... EVERYONE scattered! LOL! Thanks, "a" for that memory... ROFL. Won't tell ya what we called "BA"... it had something to do with Arse. HA!

 

[stefen]

Just as a side note...I cleared a lecture hall while in college...

A science prof & friend came over to the slaughter house where I was the assistant super and wanted a beef skull (skinned), of course.

I walked into the lecture hall about 10 minutes after it started with a large freezer box and proceeded to empty the bloody skinned head with it's bulging eyes and extended tongue...

Screams (guys too) followed by gagging & barfing noises, and a mass exit...

One of those under the bed covers might do the job...

 

[truckinbutch]

Thanks , y'all , for the help . Dietary recommendations paid off . She went screaming out of here this morning with a dish towel over her nose swearing that she would never be back! Wife went with her and they are both 100 miles away this evening .
My loyal dog is right by my side

 

[releventchair]

It just don,t seem right without a dog around!

 

[stefen]

Chubasco...the wind of all winds

I knew you had it in ya...