WV Hillbilly
Hero Member
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
Of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
Almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
Someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by
Simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to Use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct Tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thoughts for the day:
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..........
THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING...BUT...
THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN
YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
Of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
Almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
Someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by
Simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to Use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct Tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thoughts for the day:
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..........
THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING...BUT...
THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN
YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
