DON'T TAKE THEM to Wal-Mart IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO...
After Mr. And Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted
Her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr.
Fenton was like most men he found shopping boring and preferred to get
Right in and get right out and go MDing.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women
She loved to browse. One day, Mrs. Fenton received the following letter
From her local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
Quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may
Be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
Cameras:
01. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
Them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
02. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in the Housewares
Department to go off at 5-minute intervals.
03. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
Leading to the women's restroom.
04. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
Official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
05. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put
A bag of M&M's on layaway.
06. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
A carpeted area.
07. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
Department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
Bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
08. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
Him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me
Alone?'
09. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and
Used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
Department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
While loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels (on the upper part of
His chest, of course)
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
Browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
Speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but most certainly not least;
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
Door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet
Paper in here!'
Regards,
Wal-Mart
After Mr. And Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted
Her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr.
Fenton was like most men he found shopping boring and preferred to get
Right in and get right out and go MDing.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women
She loved to browse. One day, Mrs. Fenton received the following letter
From her local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
Quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may
Be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
Cameras:
01. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
Them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
02. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in the Housewares
Department to go off at 5-minute intervals.
03. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
Leading to the women's restroom.
04. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
Official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
05. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put
A bag of M&M's on layaway.
06. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
A carpeted area.
07. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
Department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
Bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
08. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
Him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me
Alone?'
09. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and
Used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
Department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
While loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels (on the upper part of
His chest, of course)
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
Browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
Speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but most certainly not least;
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
Door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet
Paper in here!'
Regards,
Wal-Mart
