EagleDown
Bronze Member
- May 13, 2010
- 1,857
- 629
- Detector(s) used
- Whites MXT, Whites TDI
- Primary Interest:
- All Treasure Hunting
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.
No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always
get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason
but lied anyway, because the truth was just
too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned
that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped
I would feel up to coming in the next day. By
then I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to
explain the bandage on the top of my head. The
accident occurred mainly because I had given in
to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after
breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out
to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal
is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through
the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it
yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts
going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then,"C'mon, it'll
only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping
that my silent outraged nudity would make a
statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last
action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect
to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal
drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was
our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
objects she spied hanging between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
as I reached under the sink. And at the precise moment
when I was most vulnerable, she leaped at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-
like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed,
with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the
"flight" option. I know this from experience. I was
fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The
impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and
the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than
finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked
in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to
conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress
their hysterical laughter... and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I
finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues
tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head
injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They
all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!!
No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always
get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason
but lied anyway, because the truth was just
too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned
that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped
I would feel up to coming in the next day. By
then I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to
explain the bandage on the top of my head. The
accident occurred mainly because I had given in
to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after
breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out
to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal
is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through
the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it
yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts
going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then,"C'mon, it'll
only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping
that my silent outraged nudity would make a
statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last
action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect
to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal
drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was
our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
objects she spied hanging between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
as I reached under the sink. And at the precise moment
when I was most vulnerable, she leaped at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-
like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed,
with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the
"flight" option. I know this from experience. I was
fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The
impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and
the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than
finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked
in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to
conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress
their hysterical laughter... and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I
finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues
tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head
injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They
all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!!
